how to become happy again

By: Joy Youell

Updated February 05, 2021

Medically Reviewed By: Karen Devlin, LPC

Is happiness an emotion or is it a state of being? I think one of the things that makes many people so unhappy is the misperception that happiness should be a constant state of being, rather than an emotion we feel. If we feel sad, then we tell ourselves we are unhappy. While the feeling of sadness may be fleeting - because we experience sadness, anger, or guilt as a normal part of our lives – "unhappy" is the overriding emotion that is assigned, and we often allow it to become our identity. When asked if you describe yourself as a happy or unhappy person, the question makes you pause to think, doesn't it? Why can't we be both? After all, happiness and sadness ebb and flow and are both natural, healthy parts of life and being.

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What Is Happy?

First of all, what is "happiness"? How can we as individuals define happiness for ourselves? Happiness should not be a mantle that we use to cover our lives to shield and protect us from the other emotions. If we never feel anger, sadness, or guilt, then we are unable to appreciate joy or true happiness. However, if our days are filled with more anger, sadness, or guilt than feelings of well-being, then it may be that our condition runs more deeply than simple unhappiness, but rather could be depression or anxiety.

Most of us would define ourselves as happy if we find enjoyment in our days, our work, our home life, and our interests outside of family and work. It is when we do not find enjoyment or a sense of joy in these that we convince ourselves we are unhappy and seek to change some element of work or home. It is often easier to make external changes than internal changes, and many of us resultantly don't delve inward to improve our situations, but rather try to change our environment – an often temporary solution.

We often associate our unhappiness with something or someone we can see and touch. We may not take such drastic measures as changing jobs or relationship status, but we often cope by using other outward sources such as changes in hairstyle, wardrobe, or aesthetic changes to our environment. If any of these provide a long-lasting feeling of well-being, then we may have hit the nail on the head. More often than not, though, none of these will. Our source of happiness, and unhappiness, resides within.

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You Are What You Act

With that being said, how we choose to interact with our external world has a great impact upon how we feel inside. There are actions we can take on a daily basis that will improve our mood and our daily lives. How often do we rush to work, rush through work, and then rush home? If we do not take time to enjoy the outdoors, even if we are only outdoors to walk to our cars in the morning and afternoon, we are robbing ourselves of a natural pleasure. People who exercise, take walks, bike, or run in a park are less prone to depression because they are not only communing with their environment but also engaging in an activity that releases endorphins – nature's happy pills.

Smiling at people, even at strangers – including the people we may not like – can make us feel better. Try it. Smile. There is a chemical that is released in our brains when we smile, even if it's not a fully genuine smile. The action alone is often enough to trigger this positive chemical response.

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Altruistic actions make a difference, too. Stop and help someone, or offer assistance even if it isn't accepted. Volunteer at a shelter. These simple acts engage the parts of our brains that cause us to feel needed and fulfilled.

Humming, singing, and skipping can help, too. Yes, these activities may look or feel a bit silly, but they will improve your mood because they are actions associated with being happy.

Final Happy Words

Our mood can only reflect happiness if we act happy. Happiness is not something that just occurs. It's rather rare for someone to naturally be a happy person. There are people who engage in happy, healthy behaviors, but also experience other emotions. There are many people with depression, in fact, who don't appear to have it because they actively work through it be engaging in actions and behaviors like those listed here to help mitigate it. Try some of the above tips and see if they make a difference. They are simple, and just may change the way you think about being happy.

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Remember, if feelings of sadness, anger, or guilt seem to control your days and your life in general, you may be experiencing depression. Find someone to talk to or look for resources that can help you with improving mental well-being. A counselor's unbiased, professional perspective can help you realize things about your own life, like your sources of unhappiness (things that may be difficult to see on your own).

BetterHelp's online platform is not only preferred to in-person counseling by 94% of users, but 70% have experienced significant improvement in their depression symptoms and overall wellbeing. Among users with severe depression, 78% of users were no longer classified as having severe depression even three months after treatment ended.

Online therapy is extremely convenient and accessible, whether you have a busy schedule, live rurally, or just don't like the idea of in-person therapy. You'll just need an internet connection, and from there a short questionnaire will match you with a well-suited therapist (you can switch anytime, though!), and sessions can be conducted via video chat, phone call, instant messaging/texting, or live voice recording. And since you don't have to commute to sessions and our therapists don't have to pay rent for office space, BetterHelp is usually cheaper than in-person therapy, too!

Read below for some reviews of BetterHelp counselors, from people working through depression and seeking to define and find their own happiness.

Counselor Reviews

"It has been a great experience working with Samantha so far. I am eager to continue to work together to continue to strive toward everyday happiness. Samantha is kind and a good listener. She will give advice but never push it on you, rather just offer an opinion that will provoke your next thought or feeling. Thank you Samantha for your help so far."

"I was kinda skeptical going into trying this platform, not sure if it would really help me or not and also nervous about it. Kat is a really great therapist! She is very patient and understanding. She always made sure to check in with me and how I'm doing and there to have sessions when I really needed it if something came up. She really takes her time to process what I'm going through and gives me great feedback and advice to work through things. She does an amazing job and doesn't make you feel uncomfortable to talk about things that would be hard for you to discuss normally. You don't feel like you're being judged in any certain way as some people might make you feel. Kat is always prompted to respond and schedule sessions. I really would recommend her as a therapist to anyone!"

Conclusion

There are many ways to find happiness. Getting to the source of why you regularly feel unhappy is a powerful first step. Talking to someone is very helpful - gaining new tools to pursue happiness will set you on the road to success. If you've been feeling unhappy or even depressed, help is available to you. Take the first step today.

Frequently Asked Questions (FAQs)

How Do I Get My Happiness Back?

If you're feeling unhappy, you may wonder how you can feel happy again. Maybe you once had a happier life, but due to a tragedy or another event, you feel like the world is crashing down and that there is no use in being happy anymore. Or, you may feel unhappy for seemingly no reason.

Reading self-help guides that tell you to go outside more or to eat better only goes so far. Seeking the help of a therapist is an excellent step if you're feeling consistently unhappy and don't know how to recover your sense of peace and happiness.

Learning how to be happy again is a challenge, but with some work, dedication, and patience (and giving yourself some grace!) you can do it.

How Can I Make My Heart Happy Again?

Learning how to be happy again is a challenge. Learning to find happiness, especially in the most challenging of times, is difficult, but not impossible, and an exceptionally valuable skill to learn. In order to find happiness and life satisfaction, it's important that you speak to a therapist. Besides that, there are a few other ways to find happiness on your own, such as:

Find happiness by visiting new places. Even if you're limited with how far you can travel, find happiness by visiting a local area you haven't been to before.
Happy people tend to work at a job they love. While you may not be able to get your dream job, you can try a side hustle. Happy people love to make money with jobs they enjoy. In this regard, it's more about what you do than what you earn, though some money can buy happiness – just be sure to not define your entire sense of happiness on the basis of money!
If you want to know how to be happy again, talk to some happy people. Learn how happy people cope with tragedy. Even the happiest person has been through some tough times.

How Can I Look Happy?

Sometimes, you may be unhappy or in a bad mood, but you have to appear happy. Maybe it's for business, or to keep your friends from worrying. While you tackle the root cause through therapy, there are ways to make yourself look happier. Here are a few examples:

Smile more. Practice smiling in the mirror and make sure that you're looking convincing enough.
Even if nothing is funny, laughing and smiling can make you feel happier, and once you perfect it, you can pull off the look and naturally improve your mood in the process.
Make sure you're well-groomed and look presentable. Your appearance can say a lot about your mood to others.

Besides looking happy, you need to learn how to be happy again, so make sure that you don't "fake it until you make it."

How Can I Be More Cheerful?

Once again, you should talk to a therapist if you don't know how to be happy again. With that said, here are a few tips to keep you more cheerful.

Write in a journal of happiness. Figure out what makes you happy and learn why that is. Take note of your emotions throughout the day – when you feel happy, when you feel sad, etc., and the events surrounding those emotions. Those can help you get to the root or your unhappiness or happiness.
Think of happy people. Imagine a baby laughing, or a cheerful old man. Images of the happiest people in the world may help you feel better.
Try looking at life through a positive lens. Sometimes, you must think about the positive, even though the situation is less than fortunate. Everything is truly a matter of perspective, and we have the ability to find some good in any situation.

What Are The 7 Keys To Happiness?

If you look up what the seven keys to happiness are, you're going to notice quite a few articles that list different keys. Everyone has their own subjective opinion about happiness, and that makes sense. Here are our own seven keys:

Always have goals and a plan. Not having a clear-cut goal in your life can lead to unhappiness. Setting goals for yourself and figuring out what you're passionate about can help a great deal.
Take care of yourself. Exercise frequently, eat as healthy as you can, and get as much sleep as possible. All of these have more of an impact on your mental health than you think.
Practice gratitude. Set a gratitude journal and write down all the things that you're happy about and grateful for. Make sure that you set some time out of the day to practice this.
To find happiness in your life, be more positive and focus less on the negative aspects, even though that is difficult at first.
Be open to trying new things. Whether it's visiting new areas, trying new foods, or learning a new hobby, this can improve your happiness.
Seek therapy. There is no shame in seeking help, especially if you can't find your happiness. You can learn how to be happy again.

How Do I Not Cry?

When you're feeling sad, it's important to have a good cry and release some of that energy, but you may be in a situation where you need to control it. In this case, here are a few tips.

Take a few breaths. Focus on something calming or something that makes you happy.
Move your eyes and blink. This can help stop the tears.
Don't tense up. This can cause you to focus more on the negative emotions and promote a "freeze, flight, or fight" response, which releases stress chemicals that can make you feel worse in the moment.
This sounds cliché, but think happy thoughts. Think of happiness based on your favorite memory, and you may feel more chipper as a result.

If you're still having trouble stopping or preventing crying, you may need to consult a therapist as this can be a sign of something deeper going on.

How Do You Fake A Smile?

Sometimes, we have to smile even though we aren't feeling it. Sometimes, it's for business. Other times, it's to be civil to someone you don't know or care for. If you're faking a smile because you're depressed, it's important to find happiness to live a happy life, as well as figuring out what is making you unhappy.

To fake a smile, practice. Relax your face, and don't force it too much. Make sure your entire face responds to the smile. Think about something that makes you laugh or makes you happy. This way, your smile comes out more and sounds more convincing. Sometimes, by thinking of something that makes you happy, it may even become a genuine smile.

How Can I Be Perky?

If you want to be more cheerful and peppy, this is something that can take some time, and not everyone has a perky personality. However, there are simple ways to make yourself perkier. From improving your level of happiness to surrounding yourself with happy people, it can rub off and make you feel and act perkier. However, in order to be genuinely happy and perky, you may want to talk to your therapist about this.

How Can I Be More Fun To Be Around?

This one has a bit of subjectivity to it, as everyone is different. One person's definition of fun may be another's definition of boring. If you're looking for friends, it's important to look for friends who are your type. For example, if you're an introvert, you're probably not going to succeed if you try to force yourself to be an extrovert. You can open up a little and challenge yourself, but making friends with other people of that mindset rather than trying to shift your own to that much of a degree may be your best bet. After all, you cannot, and should not, change your entire personality or nature.

With that said, there are some universal rules to improve how fun you are around others. Be attentive and mindful. Have a unique plan and take some people to a place they've never visited before. Make sure you're joining in on the conversation. Doing something or going somewhere that excites you and resonates with you is going to bleed into your behavior and energy.

How Do You Lead A Happy And Healthy Life?

Like any question on how to be happy again and feel happy, this one is a hard question that you and your therapist need to discuss. With that said, try targeting your health. Work out more and eat right. Both of these can improve your health and release feel-good chemicals that improve your happiness. You'll be happier, at least a little bit, and this can be an important push in the right direction. For truly unhappy people, they may need medication and/or therapy, but improving your health is a good first start.